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Sunday, July 23, 2017
I was participating in a group discussion when one of the members asked one of the other mothers what was wrong. This particular person was clearly depressed with something on her mind that was bothering her. She replied that she was having a really difficult week with her 21 year old daughter. The girl was being nasty and hurtful and insulting for no apparent reason that the mother could see, and she was hurting very badly.
That set off a whole round table discussion as one after another stories were told about sons and daughters behaving badly for no apparent reason other than to be unpleasant. By the time it came my turn I realised I had heard enough to reflect a common thread that ran through all the stories, and while it would really be better that a psychologist explain, my impression is as follows:
My son is a wonderful individual, just as everyone else described their own children. He has been respectful of his mother and myself, but when he had the opportunity to take a Gap year he left us here in Spain and went to Australia. Had he tried to get farther away from us he would have been on his way back. This worried me tremendously because had he got himself in real trouble there would not have been anyway we could have helped.
That was the very point! He had grown up in our house, under our rules and protection and now he was starting the breakaway process. He was trying to stand on his own two feet. He needed to prove to himself that he could do things on his own where failure was not an option. Had we tried to stop him at the time I suspect some things might have been said that would have been regretted.
He left home a boy and he survived in Australia on his own, with the occasional gift of money from home because it was necessary, but when he returned home he came back as a man
Our son is now working five hours drive away from us and he is independent. He is making his own money, his own decisions, he lives with his girlfriend and the relationship between him, his mother and myself has been preserved. All is well!
Throughout the world it is probable that more children will yearn to breakaway from home and parents than not, but to achieve this is not an easy thing. Living at home usually means that meals appear on the table, your laundry is done for you, and there's a roof over your head. You may or may not be required to contribute towards theses services, but to leave home means you leave all this comfort and security behind. This is a very confusing time for a young person. There is the natural pull by independence and the hold on the child by security. If independence and adulthood are to win out an awful tearing process takes place and all those terrible things your child says and does is the fuel to gain momentum to bring about separation.
It is usually an ugly process that also takes place in the animal kingdom, although there it is usually done with a little less drama. The young one is denied mother's milk and so goes off on his or her own to grow up and to begin the process all over again.
As parents our role is to give our children space to let go. It would be good to encourage them to go without perhaps being too active, as they ideally would like to do it on their own . However, if they are hamstrung by not having the financial ability to get started and you have the money to set them up then just for the sake of kicking them out of the house to leave you in peace, it will be worth it.
One common mistake we all make as parents is that we keep our children's old rooms vacant for them with the invitation the door is always open for you. Our children don't want to hear that. It would be better to rent the room or turn it into something you always wanted but couldn't have because they were in it. Our child does not want to know that there is that safety net for him because we expect him or her to succeed.
When your children grow up into becoming you they will then understand, but by that time they will want to forget what they put you through, and when it becomes their turn they will be as confused as we all were in our discussion group.
Life's funny/strange that way.
Copyright (c) 2017
Saturday, July 15, 2017
Spain is a country that is still digging itself out of an economic depression. It is a country that has many, many problems but it is also a country that has a heart and a soul. At the worst year of the economic downturn the government remembered that there are people in the world who have so little that it made allowances in the annual budget to improve the lot of people in Africa and South America.
The government chose one of its most senior and most trusted ministers to oversee this charitable work and to properly manage the money that was budgeted for the purpose. The minister was to see that hospitals were built and schools built and opened so that children would get a good solid basic education at least.
This was intended to be noble work that would uplift people in third world countries and at the same time Spain's prestige would be enhanced. This is the type of mandate a decent person would go to great length not to make a mess of as it is good work.
However, the minister seems to have taken it upon himself to determine that black people in Africa didn't deserve the help nor did brown people in South America need assistance. Except for very minor amounts that went to these causes the majority of the funds went directly into the minister's pockets and those of his compatriots.
To simply call this callous attitude corruption is like saying it rains now and again in England. This is a terrible case of understatement because this takes corruption to a new level. This man and all his cronies who were a part of the crime took the hopes and dreams and a better life from children and their parents, and they did it with cold hearts and unfeeling minds. I would say that they should be ashamed, as any normal person with a conscience would do; but these are not normal people. These are the swamp dwellers of the human race who look like humans but they are not.
They came from the mud and the cesspits of the world and they should be sent back as they have no place among decent people. They are a cancer among us and they stink. At their trial there were so many of them I thought they were the spectators. The prosecutor has asked for a sentence of 16 years but we really don't ever need to have them back. Put them in a hole and close the cover and add feces.
May they rot in peace!
Copyright (c) 2017
Saturday, July 8, 2017
The pain in my lower right side back appeared from nowhere and without cause. I thought it had something to do with my Appendix but it turned out to be associated with gas although it lingered for about a month. The more activity I engaged in the more intense the pain; but by taking things easy and protecting my back the pain eventually went away.
I was curious: What really was the driver of the pain, what was going on in my body? I asked my GP for help in finding understanding and he referred me to a specialist. The specialist sent me to take a colonoscopy, a very unpleasant procedure both in the preparation and the execution. That procedure went well although the professionals doubt if what they found had anything to do with the pain, but what they did find was that for about five years I have been growing a cluster of polyps that look like a tree that is materially blocking my colon and that has me on track for infection of my blood. The end result is most likely death through septicaemia.
Now we are racing against the clock to save my life by entering into emergency major surgery before the growth turns cancerous or poisonous.
I discovered this situation by accident as a result of my constructive curiosity, however, of all the men I have met in my 78 years of life there is not one that I can think of who would have put himself through what I have gone through in the name of simple curiosity, but in doing so I have saved my life. Women might do that but we men are so bad about taking our health seriously as we are macho.
You've seen the scene where the man is involved in a terrible accident and he is bleeding, his arm is hanging off and his head is on backwards and everybody wants to get him to hospital quickly, but he says I'm alright! Don't worry!
The fundamental problem is that within the human body more than one thing could be acting as a silent killer. Heart disease being one of those things and another is blood in the excrement. The public health system runs a campaign periodically, at the present being one of those times, to encourage people to send in a small specimen of their poo for analysis. If there is blood hidden in with the material then you have a problem and should immediately see your doctor.
What often happens is that people find the idea of messing around with their waste product so repugnant that they just won't participate. The cause of their premature death should be marked: "stupidity," or "squeamishness", or "carelessness."
In my case my mystery pain was a message from my friend, that friend being God to say that there was something going on with my body that would prematurely kill me, but my mission, if I chose to accept it was to find that thing and to deal with it ASAP.
Here's how to prolong your own life: At least once every year, or sooner if you wish you should have an analysis of your blood, urine and excrement, and have your blood pressure read, then act on the results. This is especially important the older we get.
While we are at it we should think before we stuff our mouths as a good dietary plan is essential.
Copyright (c ) 2017
Saturday, July 1, 2017
I am told by women that only they have the skill to do more than one thing at a time because it is they who have the mental lobe that makes that possible Whether they are at the office or especially at home with children demanding her attention while she takes care of a dozen things, somehow she copes. For we men we just tell the children that daddy's busy. We men must choose the one thing we need to do and concentrate on doing that well. That is so sad and if true it allows the ladies to beat us all the time.
I am reminded of the old adage that says, "Don't throw the baby out with the bath water." I think that is said because at least one time someone threw the baby out with the bath water. Perhaps they were multi-tasking, or trying to do more than one thing at a time when that happened.
That sounds like something a man might have done, perhaps even myself as I was involved in the upbringing of my son. If I were trying to emulate my wife I could have got that all wrong and made a mess of things. I would have had to find baby and coo over him apologising that papa was just trying to do too many things at once.
He would have thought "papa, does that mean we are related? Somebody please help me!
They didn't say who did the throwing, but I'm just saying.
It was definitely a woman who was driving her car along the avenue as the police cruiser drew alongside her and the policeman urged her to slow down; slower, slower still, slower and gently pull over to the side and come to a smooth stop.
Was I speeding officer?
No Ma'am, you were driving within the limit. In fact you are a good driver and you take instruction really well. We would give you a certificate of commendation were it not for the fact that your baby is riding in the convertible on the top of your car.
(She screams out loud!!!) Oh baby, baby, baby, Mommy's sorry it's just that I was so busy packing the car and talking to your aunt Sue and texting I forgot. I know that sounds incredible but I just did. Please forgive Mommy.
Baby thinks, mommy, does that mean we related? Somebody help me!
Multitasking yes, but needs some work!
I was thinking that it must be possible to train myself to do more than one thing efficiently at the same time. How difficult could that be? If I could succeed at that it would redeem the pride of men all over the world.
I was thinking about it while looking out at the scenery when I suddenly realised that I was doing two things at once, plus I was breathing and listening, that made four things, and I was chewing gum, five things in all. I was not hopeless after all.
I tried patting my head and rubbing my stomach in a circle which made me laugh and that brought the number of things to eight, surely I could get to ten. I began to tap one foot and because I was talking about it that did take me to ten things at the same time. Ten things all at the same time is not bad for a man who supposedly doesn't have the mental lobe.
Call it one small step for men if you will, but we have parity and our pride is intact.
The next time a lady says "I can multitask and you can't" tell her to get a life!
Copyright (c) 2017