A little over 50 years ago I walked into a hotel cocktail bar where The Woman, a stranger to me, was sitting alone at the bar. I went over to her and said, "Well, hello there!" She replied, "Absolutely, Yes! Let's go!" Slack-jawed, I followed. On the short walk to her room she said, "These are the rules of engagement: I don't want to know anything about you, and I don't want you to know anything about me. Let's just go to my room and get busy."
I have often thought of her and that encounter. That was when my education began.
To begin with, I had always thought that I was a seducer of women, when the truth was that I chased them until they caught me. Secondly, women need sex as much as men, (and sometimes more so when they are trying to get pregant) because we are both programmed to at least replace ourselves. Men are wired to lay down our seed as much as possible. It really doesn't matter whether the woman is beautiful or homely, short or tall, thin or stocky, our natural drive is to pass our seed.
Somewhere along the way the morality police came into being, and in today's Western society we are supposed to confine ourselves to one woman in the building of our family.
Enter Ashley Madison! Life is short. Have an Affair.
This flies in the face of everything we think of as moral, and frankly, is just plain offensive. I can see why the hacktivists targeted A.M. because it is just so in your face. I am a bit surprised that the culture of seeking a mate via a website has been so successful. Before computers people met one another the old fashioned way. There was work, church, social clubs, happy hour, etc. I believe meeting someone over the Internet is no less work.
There is no shortage of websites that try and bring people together. They thrive on testimonials from people who say they met each other on this or that on-line service and now they are married with family. However, a lot of the time people get together on-line to just plain have sex. But at least there is redeeming quality in most on-line sites.
So, why would a married man and woman reach out to have an affair?
The problem with life is that your relationship starts out fresh and passionate, but with the passing of time a cooling takes place. Men have always been the ones to seek outside passion. Tradionally we have always thought that sex was something that men did to women, but the fact is that once a woman casts off her inhibitions men have to step up our game just to keep pace. So, Ashley Madison sought to capitalize on the yearning for passion in one's life, and they were successful.
They also stood out like a red flag, thumbing their noses at society, encouraging, aiding and abetting people to break their vows and to throw trust to the winds. I imagine The Church would have been especially annoyed, so the destruction of this company will be greatly welcomed, and the 39 million people whose records are wide open for inspection will get no sympathy from anyone. However, it will change anything.
Life will go on. People will continue to seek passion from others in discreet ways. However, the truth is that the moment one partner has a one-night stand, the other will know about it. You tell your partner in lots of little ways, and it can't be avoided.
Men love sex, and women love good sex. Ideally, they want to be fully involved, not just some love object. Just as my encounter over fifty years ago taught me, we have our needs and when we are able to act out with a consenting adult, even if we know nothing about that person, it can be one of the most satisfying of experiences. However, if it is just for the moment, when its over it no longer has any meaning. (That's what men mean when they say, "it didn't mean anything.") If it is done within the circle of love, to advance your love for one another, then its called making love, rather than simply having sex.
Here's a suggestion: Husband or wife, if you feel that your sexual relationship has grown stale and you yearn for passion from someone new, together, join a swingers club. There are many outlets for you to spice up this part of your life together. There is always the danger that you will get carried away with your emotions, but that might happen anyway. At least you won't be unfaithful and dishonest with one another.
The two most precious commodities in a marriage worth treasuring are Trust and Love. They should be preserved at all costs!
Copyright (c) 2015 Eugene Carmichael