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Sunday, August 18, 2013

Growing old is Ugly! (Michael Jackson)

Two elderly people enjoying a moment of peace.

Mr Jackson and I are agreed that this is one of the rare joys of becoming old. You can take the time to smell the roses, but other than that, bascially, growing old sucks!

So, being Michael Jackson he decided to check out at the age of 50, which is when we start the long downward slide of the second half of our life. They all said he was weird, but I don't think so.

As young people, especially when we are in the prime of our lives, how proud we are of our bodies. We celebrate our magnificence, sometimes privately, and sometimes we seek to share our temple with all who will accept us. Some develop themselves as body builders and compete with others. Many  find their way onto the silver screen; and many others go absolutely naked, including those in the porno game. Whatever, we are right to appreciate what splendid examples of humans we are, while we are at our best, because it will not last forever.

If we are lucky, the degeneration is a slow process.  You know it has started when you find yourself going to more funerals than weddings. You know you're getting old when your back goes out more than you do. All your memories of significant events took place double-digit years ago, and many of those start with 3?, or 4', or worse, 5'.

My saddest moment of realisation that I was getting old was seeing more of my hair on my comb than on my head. I have to confess that I went through some serious angst during that period. I also came to realise that God is a woman, because no man would do that to another man. We do all kinds of other horrible things to one another, but we wouldn't pull out another man's hair.

When things stop working as well as they did in our youth it's time to panic. First the memory starts slipping, which is not always a bad thing; and then the hearing starts failing. The funny thing about that is in our minds the problem is not us, it's you lot who bloody mumble and speak so softly. How's a fella supposed to hear you? Speak up!

Failing eyesight is scary! Then you are given the big lie. It's only cataracts. We will cut those away and you will be as good as new.  Ya, Right!

Eventually comes the Change of Life for women when they have used up all their eggs. Now, the only reason to have sex is for love and recreation, but what do they do? They can't be bothered, or now is a good time to go and become the bride of Christ. If we are lucky, husband's supply of testestorone will run out about the same time, leaving him holding his dick and wondering what he is supposed to do with it. His memory will have gone, so that won't help him.

That's the way its been for centuries, but science steps in and offers creams and lotions and viagra and the couple can continue to have fun times, if they can remember what that's about; and if that wasn't enough, now scientists, due to significant breakthroughs in the field of stem cell research are suggesting that you really don't have to die from old age after all as it seems possible to simply regrow all those aging cells to allow us to live forever. Well, that nice, but after a couple hundred years everything will get a bit boring, don't you think?
It is a fact that we are living longer, and we are enjoying better quality lives. There was a time when the Queen sent a note of congratulations on your 100th birthday, and you were always in bed to receive it. These days people have got to go find you to tell you there's a message for you.

The past 75 + years have been intensely interesting for anyone who has lived through them and is still alive and kicking. It has been anything but boring and change continues to come down like the falling rain. So, yes, we might want to complain about the aches and pains and restrictions of growing old, but there are so many interesting things as well to make it worthwhile.

Now, I must excuse myself while I go and learn this new fangled thing that allows me to do countless things while holding it in my hand. Apparently I can also send and receive telephone calls. Amazing!

Copyright (c) 2013  Eugene Carmichael