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Sunday, November 21, 2010

The Military Family


The Military Family

War, and the military family are topics that have come to the fore in my mind lately. These are such huge subjects they are like standing in front of massive mountains wondering how to climb them. I think I prefer to deal with the human aspect first, the military family.

Who and what is a soldier?
A soldier is a combatant who is on the front line between freedom to live life according to the philosophy of a particular country, and those who would seek to take away those freedoms.

The foregoing description includes both men and women who place themselves in harm’s way, and they are routinely injured, sometimes for life, and they are killed in ever growing numbers. Sometimes harm comes through accidents while not on the arena of battle, but in training or maintenance. The end result is the same, another life lost and another family greatly affected.

War is becoming ever more sophisticated with some fighting being done by soldiers in one country sending over drones to another country to kill. The casualties will be one sided, so if you are on the side with the drones this is good news. The important point is that a soldier’s life is no less valuable than that of a civilian, but that life is subject to far greater peril.

I have been close to a mother whose son was at war in Afghanistan, and every time the telephone rang she would jump. The toll that takes on the folks back home is terrible, and it really is unfair that the general public go about our business getting only soundbites as to what is really going on along the front line. After all, it is being done for our benefit.

One part of that whole terrible drama that receives practically no coverage at all is the family that waits back home. Why a woman would agree to marry a soldier about to be shipped overseas is hard to fathom. I’m very glad that they do because it offers the combatant a scintilla of a real life, but it is always done in the full knowledge that he may not return alive.

The couple frequently will try for pregnancy so that a part of him will live on should he lose his life. We also have mothers going into active war zones and they lose their lives as well, and that for the children they leave behind must be even more difficult to accept.

The military family is a very special unit that outsiders simply cannot understand. Their contribution to the freedom of their nation is as great as that of the combat member who serves in war.

I once was close to a Navy family consisting of a young wife and two children. Her husband, my very good friend asked me to be her best friend while he was away. She treated me as her confidant and she told me bluntly of her pain of not knowing; of expecting any minute of a visit from the Navy with bad news; of her loneliness. She would cry for long periods of time after the children were put to bed and I would just hold her. She would tell me that she wanted sex with her husband so badly it ached, but I couldn’t touch her.

Throughout all those times the thought of she and I having sex never even entered either her mind, nor mine. When he asked me to be her best friend I think that he had such trust in me, or at least in her, that it never even entered his mind that we would betray him. It was a matter of such great moral importance, and the unspoken rule was expected to be upheld; that no spouse with an iota of decency and honour would betray a serving soldier while life was at stake for one’s own sexual gratification. To do so would be considered as treason. On the other hand, if the combatant had an opportunity for sex they would not be blamed for taking it as it might be the last in their life.

When he came home for rest and relaxation she would be so happy to see him, but then her happiness would give way to depression because the end of his leave was in sight and she had to prepare to go through the same thing all over again. Such a rollercoaster experience is really too much for humans to endure. This is all part of the “war is hell” aspect.

Life for the military family is one of service in support of the country, and they deserve the respect and admiration of the nation. Unfortunately the families do not receive medals for enduring, but they should.

Copyright © 2010 Eugene Carmichael