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Sunday, June 20, 2010

Advice to Newlyweds


What drives a marriage forward, and what drives it into the ground.

Being a Senior Citizen, or as they say here in Spain, un Anciano, you are expected to have learned something from life along the way. I have learned that the police are not always to be trusted; that we are responsible for the decisions that we make; and ultimately we are responsible for ourselves. It is true that life is not always fair, but it is still better to treat others as we would have them treat us. Truthfulness is usually the best policy, although sometimes you have to use your common sense to decide whether it might be better to leave the truth till later.

Entering into marriage in these modern times seems like a more massive undertaking than it ever was. To begin with, the cost of getting married usually means someone goes to the poorhouse. The mountain of debt and challenge that faces a young couple today is so extraordinary as to be daunting. However, as human beings we still feel the pull of love, and the need to partner with our special someone. What have we of the older generation learned that we could pass along to help young couples to survive in their marriage?

I think that as a general rule violence and unkind behaviour in the home is a sure prescription for disaster. This is a difficult one because in some marriages the role of the man as head of household is supported in their church, and if he has to use violence to enforce his position, the church supports that too. I strongly disagree with forms of violence between any of the members, just as I condemn provocation.

My philosophy is “Don’t hit, and Don’t Provoke!” That applies equally to all members of the family.

Some advice I wish I had given to President Clinton and Tiger Woods is that no man can expect to have an extra-marital affair without his wife knowing that something is going on. Even if it’s a one-night stand that took place in a far away land, the moment you walk in the door the message crosses your forehead like the tickertape of the New York Stock Exchange. The message reads: “I have been unfaithful.”

It’s true that most wives, or husbands (if the wife is the guilty one) ignore the message as being too much information to process.

Another clear message to your wife will be to arrive home smelling of another woman. If you have showered before coming home, then why?

You are only one person (until the science of cloning is perfected), so if you are not where you are supposed to be, then where are you, and with whom are you, and what were you doing?

Finally, your wife will get to know more information than she might want because the woman with whom you have been having this secret affair will tell her all about it, just as soon as you disappoint her.

Many wives say that they had no idea that anything was going on. Yes they did, they just didn’t want to face up to it.

Life is complicated and difficult without actually making problems that are best avoided. The use of common sense needs to be re-appreciated and used every day of our lives.

Copyright © 2010 Eugene Carmichael