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Sunday, November 1, 2009

Flying Naked




“Getting There is Half the Fun?”

That was the catch phrase of a travel company many years ago. They have given that up now because travelling is no fun. Instead travelling is all about “hurry up and wait.” I am trying to remember when it all changed. What I can remember are the days when we actually dressed up to look our very best to board an airplane.

In those days there was absolute respect for the crew and we were all on our very best behaviour. Then we noticed that students travelling during spring break started wearing jeans and tee-shirts, and behaviour suffered along with that. The standard had dropped. A new age had dawned.

Then came hijackings, mainly to Cuba from the U.S. Following that period aircraft were taken with a full load of passengers and used for negotiations and blackmail. I recall the first time I saw an airplane blown up, thankfully without people on board. I found it hard to believe such deliberate destruction of such a valuable object was possible.

The eleventh of September, 2001 changed everything forever. The hijacking of four planes with passengers and coldly flown into buildings told the world that there are people who will go to any length to make a point. The traveller’s world was impacted in ways that we are only beginning to understand. The advice of The White House was that we should continue on with our lives on a normal basis. Not to do so would be to admit that the terrorists had won.

The problem with that is that life is no longer normal, and the terrorists have won because we are even terrorizing ourselves. I passed into the security zone at Heathrow recently and was given the most thorough examination in the open space as other travellers looked on. I was ordered to remove my hat, my belt, my glasses, my shoes and a light jacket. A man placed his hands over every centimetre of my body, especially around my scrotum.

When he grasped my penis and my testicles and gave a squeeze I told him that I had a licence to carry that equipment. He never even broke a smile. When he finished I thanked him and asked how much did I owe him? He was puzzled, but I explained that never before in my life had I had such a good massage.

During all that it would have been particularly inappropriate to complain about the violation of my privacy. Had I reacted with righteous indignation that would have simply given them steam to go even further than they did.Such invasive searching is supposed to be in my interest, so I am supposed to simply walk away with a whimper.

With all that in mind we might have foreseen that the day would not be far off when we would all be electronically stripped of our dignity through the invasion of our privacy. It has now been announced that technology in the form of a scanner is undergoing testing at Manchester Airport’s Terminal 2, as well, it has been tested at Heathrow Airport. The traveller would have to agree to be scanned by stepping out of line to stand before the scanner backdrop. X-ray beams will outline the person for the officer who is at a remote location who will be presented with a picture that will show whether you are carrying anything of a suspicious nature anywhere on or within your body. In fact you are virtually naked. We are assured that none of these images can be stored or downloaded, and only one officer sees them.

We are further assured that the images are not pornographic or erotic. What a shame. However, they do show you in your birthday suit, so it’s a good thing that for the time being we at least do have a choice.

My parting comment to the security officer that I referred to above, was that in order to help him in his work I thought that perhaps we should all fly naked. He said that they would still have to find the contraband. That sounded awfully painful to me, so I think I had better quit while I’m ahead.

Copyright © Eugene Carmichael