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Sunday, August 17, 2008

Communicating - Part Four








Men and Women



InterFaith, InterCultural, InterRacial




Communication-wise, as good as it potentially gets between men and women goes something like this: Future partners grow up in the same neighbourhood, go to the same schools, share the same faith, are of the same ethnic group, and even share the same political beliefs. However, even within these groupings the divorce rate is significant. That is because, as Dr. John Gray says, men and women quite naturally come from different planets, or so it seems.

That being the case it will be seen that as we move away from the ideal benchmark things become more complicated the farther afield we go.

So, you’re an American man and you have fallen hopelessly in love with the most beautiful girl you’ve ever seen who comes from India. What do you know about the Caste system that she has grown up in?

What if you’re an English woman and you’ve met the most charming man from Afghanistan and you’ve fallen head over heels for him. What of his cultural and religious beliefs? Have you any knowledge of the complicated and deeply held customs that form the society that is Afghanistan?

Even countries that are neighbours have important different attitudes about life. America and Canada, or England and Wales, or Scotland are as close as it gets but there are enough differences to cause great difficulties between mixed couples who are trying to live intimate lives. Just as men and women are supposed to be different, so are people from separate countries. That is the challenge that the human race are set. The objective is to succeed in spite of the difficulties.

The completely peculiar thing is that when we enter into relations that will complicate our lives beyond measure we do so without giving it much thought. Love is a comedian. It just pulls down the curtain on all logic and before we know it we are faced with an immense task of surmounting all obstacles to reach a state of contentment, also known as happiness.

A relationship between the girl or boy next door is usually without the basic elements that exist as standard when crossing cultural and other barriers, such as fear of the unknown and uncertainty, misunderstanding, sense of loss and confusion, ignorance of the other culture and the minefield of disasters that imposes. On the plus side a relationship where both partners have a lot to learn about each other is one less likely to end due to boredom, but there will be a lot of work involved.

If love were not so unpredictable and if cupid didn’t have such a sense of humour we could be scientific when going about our quest to find a mate who was a bit different. For instance, almost all countries have at one time or another been colonised. If those in the mother country so wanted they could make their choice from among the colonies, or vice versa. At least the culture of the mother country would be shared leaving only the indigenous culture to be understood and integrated.

I have read testimonies from couples who are living very complex lives that involve interfaith, or intercultural, or interracial elements, or all three, and they sometimes even stand on opposite sides of the political divide. They swear that they cope, and that they don’t see their lives any more challenging than any one else’s, but I do wonder about the long-term accuracy of that statement. One person is bound to be the stronger personality of the two, and that is the culture that will be dominant.

Having said all that, I personally celebrate diversity, tolerance, understanding and the pursuit of knowledge, and I encourage those who simply follow their hearts wherever it may lead. The Master Architect designed the world in which we live with built-in obstacles to maintain our interest. For some they will rise above and go on to the ultimate level. Others will find their own levels and there they will be happy.

For that is the way it has been preordained, and you don’t have to be religious to believe.

Copyright © 2008 Eugene Carmichael