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Sunday, June 1, 2008

Managing Jealousy









Jealousy, known as The Green-Eyed Monster, is a major problem in relationships. No one is completely safe from its attack. It is very often at the heart of violence in the home, and has been responsible for murder, or what also might be deemed manslaughter.

Jealousy is essentially a function of insecurity. It cannot function where there is confidence backed up by reassurance. I have been its victim from time to time, but as I have come to understand what drives it I have been better able to manage it.

Jealousy, I believe, is a completely natural human emotion that goes right along with love. I’m thinking about the sort of jealousy that operates within a love relation, although it does exist in other forms, such as in business, the arts, etc.

Take two identical scenarios, one where confidence exists, (case A), and the other where insecurity rules the day. (Case B). Although jealousy affects men and women equally, let’s use for our examples a woman, and two men, and the situation is a social setting where we are supposed to mingle. At the end of the evening when the couple are returning home, in case A the couple compare notes about who they chatted with, even joking about the good looking guy who really took an interest in the woman. She reassures her partner that there is absolutely nothing to be concerned about as their love is strong and safe. He is secure and content.

However, Case B presents quite another scene. That relationship is weak; she’s an habitual flirt, although she has never followed up on any of the opportunities her flirting has opened up, and he’s deeply suspicious of her loyalty. He is more than likely to have a bout of jealousy that will lead to a fight. People get hurt in a situation such as this as it is natural to defend what we believe to be ours.

In uncontrolled jealousy, just walking along the street can set off an episode if another man so much as casts an admiring glance at his woman. In reality, he should be proud to have his own taste approved by others, but he is not likely to see it this way.

How do we go about evading jealousy? It’s probably a good idea to avoid an emotional relationship with super glamorous people, the so-called “Beautiful People.” As his or her partner you are in competition with that person who probably is in love with their own self. I think that’s called narcissism. Such people are high maintenance and are rarely worth the heartache they generate.

In choosing a partner if you place the greatest emphasis on integrity rather than looks you will be on the right track. Beauty can be more than skin deep, but taking care to ensure your beautiful person’s beauty starts from deep down is paramount. Then, you have to be sure to work for your place in your partner’s life every day. You can never take him or her for granted, although we do tend to get lazy, but that’s not a good idea.

So, in summary, if you have chosen well, and you are prepared to work for your partner’s affection, when someone else recognizes that you have a gem that they would like to have, you can relax in the knowledge that they are absolutely right, but the gem is all yours.

Copyright (c) 2008 Eugene Carmichael