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Sunday, February 3, 2008

Violence in the Home - Summary




The bibliographies on the causes of violence in the home reflect that this is a huge subject, and perhaps one of the most complex known to mankind. Perhaps also, when reduced to the simplest common denominator it is one of the most uncomplicated. How can this be?

I was going to delve deeply into the statistics and make a great in-depth study, but it has all been done before, and is readily available on the Internet. Consequently, I can see no real value in my reinventing the wheel.

Instead my approach is to ask what happens when two or more people are gathered together in some form of unit, be it employment, family, sporting organisation, or whatever? I think that there is a natural tendency towards a power struggle and control. In two-person type relationships we speak of give and take. In practically all other multi-person groupings we can work toward the will of the majority, or be guided by a plain old-fashioned dictatorship.

I think that at the heart of the problem of violence in the home is a common flaw in the makeup of humans. The need for us to hold power and dominion over others drives us towards behaviour that is anti-social. For either a man or woman to demand to always be seen to be right by their family members, especially when they are patently wrong, is arrogant and just plain immature. When father or mother declare themselves as the family head, and have to be obeyed without question, and insist that no idea can be a good idea unless it is their idea, that is an awesome responsibility to assume.

There are many examples of such families where high economic status and community respect has been achieved, but the family unit is a disaster. One does not have to look too far for well-publicised examples in many prominent families.

Some families do get it right, of course, and no doubt they all have their own methodology of maintaining peace and harmony. I assume that a common factor among them is mutual respect for each other’s opinions, and a conscious determination to live and let live. This is not always easy, but no one promised it would be.

This series has been about violence in the home. It has not attempted to counsel upon the causes; nor has it suggested that there has to be complete agreement on all things within the family. However, a good first step would be to agree, amicably not to agree.

Above all, adoption of the “Don’t Provoke – Don’t Hit” mantra, I believe, is the key. That is what ultimately keeps the peace in the family.

Copyright © 2008 Eugene Carmichael