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Sunday, July 29, 2007

RAPE WITHIN MARRIAGE ( Part III of VI)







Chronicles of Rape-Survivor’s Stories


Premise: No man of good conscience would willingly and recklessly force himself upon another person for reasons of sex, power or control. This series is intended to raise awareness and sensitivity.

Under U.K. law, prior to 1991 it was impossible for a man to be charged with raping or sexually assaulting his wife. “The Law Made Simple” published by Chaucer Press, 1981 stated that “A husband cannot rape his wife unless the parties are separated or the court has by injunction forbidden him to interfere with his wife, or he has given an undertaking in court not to interfere with her.”

Supposedly, the mutual vows made upon entering into marriage, which is a contract between the parties, required of each to be responsible for the other’s sexual well-being, among other things. Evidently this assumption came to be deemed too broad and incompatible within the definition of rape.

Wikipedia on-line dictionary describes rape this way: “In most jurisdictions the crime of rape is defined to occur when sexual intercourse takes place (or is attempted) without the valid consent of one of the parties involved. It is frequently defined as penetration of the anus or vagina by a penis. In some jurisdictions the offence is completed by the penetration of fingers or other objects.”

Rape is a minefield around or through which every man must tread very carefully throughout our entire lives. Firstly, men and women view so many things totally differently. It’s the Mars and Venus syndrome. In this aspect a man might have the impression that what took place was simply passion. She might see it as the violation of her body.

In one stunning case I recall from many years ago a man was found guilty and sent to prison without the woman ever once having said No! or Stop! Or I don’t want to do this! It was judged to be a crime of rape through coercion, and he should have known that it was so.

Rape within marriage between cohabiting partners can occur just as under any other circumstance. The wife must always give her consent through words or deeds so that there can be no misunderstanding. Even if it is Thursday, the day of the week set aside for sexual conjugation, and it normally happens like clockwork. She has to give her husband a clear signal that this Thursday is no different.

There does not have to be evil intent for rape to occur. There only has to be consent withheld, deliberately not given, or a demand for the man to stop, go no further.

Even something as simple as the kiss can violate a woman’s space. For a man to boldly take the initiative and plant one on her as they do in the movies, could greatly offend. Done properly, the man approaches within an inch and stops. If she is agreeable she will close the gap.

Without putting too fine a point on it, there are many seemingly functioning marriages where the couple have no sexual contact at all, but not by mutual agreement. It could be that either one has given up that part of the relationship out of disinterest. That leaves the other in a rather bad place. I suspect that in most cases it’s the male who is left to ponder his position.

For some men who can afford it, they will take a mistress. This is a solution that is really another problem in the making. It could become the basis of a divorce action brought by the wife, or she may be content to live with it in the realization that she has everything else that she needs, and is excused from that tedious duty.

Probably the most common recourse is to use the service of prostitutes as once the deed is done and paid for there are (hopefully) no further complications. Just do not register with an “escort service” using your own name, or pay for services rendered with a credit card.

What we must never do is turn to our wives who are lying next to us in bed and demand that she do her duty. That is one of the principal scenarios that the change in the law seeks to address. Every woman is guaranteed control over her own body at all times.

A perfect example of that guarantee is that of the prostitute who has taken money to perform a service. Should she wish to change her mind in the act and requires her customer to cease and desist, he must do so immediately. She must return all his money as she will not have fulfilled the contract, but the law will uphold her right to assert her “Stop” order.

Next: Two Victims-Different Responses.

Copyright © 2007 Eugene Carmichael