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Saturday, March 3, 2007

Two Heads: Not always better than One




God, the Great Architect and Designer has never made a mistake, but sometimes it sure does seem like it. The way that He wired us guys is to have us respond to visual stimuli and to smell. Our need to be with a woman is even more important than food, and almost as important as beer. Sex is an incurable addiction that only becomes manageable in our old age, at least that's the way it was before Viagra. Now, at 80 years of age we can pop a pill and we're back in the game with an erection that can last six hours. Ouch! Most men that age would simply sit and stare at it in amazement, while trying to remember what to do with it.
Those poor girls down at the local whorehouse. They see you coming and go, "Oh No! Here's comes gramps again. We're on strike." That's the only time the 24-hour house closes.
There is simply not enough blood in a man's body to sustain both of our heads. So when blood rushes to the head of our penis to result in an erection, that blood comes from some place, most likely the head on our shoulders, and without blood our brain is useless. That's why we get so dopey, stupid and vulnerable at times when we get a woody.
Now let me get one thing clear and out of the way quickly. We have all had that embarrassing moment when we have equipment failure that results in such deep depression. We have failed to perform so therefore our manhood is brought into question. A spiteful woman will never let you forget it either.
When you think about it, if we rise to the occasion because we are inspired by the woman in front of us, it surely follows that when we fail to respond it's because of the lack of inspiration, and that could be the result of many things, including the fault of the woman. Within a marriage, if there are overwhelming financial problems, or if your wife has said or done something to particularly piss you off, she may now be trying to make it up to you, but if that hurtful thought comes back to you at the critical moment it acts as a downer, and there's nothing much that you can do about it. After all, we are human beings and not machines with on-off switches. And if the woman no longer turns you on and you utterly lack the motivation to want to get it on with her, you can't fake it. Only women can fake it.
If you have been unfaithful to her and it has all come out, and you are both determined not to let it ruin your marriage because there is too much at stake, as previously stated, she can fake it, (like she always does?), but if it's the other way round, you've got your own ego getting in the way, and those hurt feelings are going to mess with your head forever.
For instance, the most famous example that we could look at is that of ex-President Bill Clinton. The bug-eyed feminist in the United States are still pissed with her for not having been the first First Lady to divorce her husband , especially while he was the sitting president, although she may have been prevented from doing that. But in any event, she chose to remain with him.
For the remainder of his presidency, do we think he had sex with anybody. Not likely! With everybody watching and keeping the interns away from him, and Hillary sleeping in a separate bed, our Bill was on his own. But the minute he stepped down from office, I'm willing to bet the farm that he got busy making up for all that lost time. And, I'm equally willing to bet that he and the missus are still not getting it on.
She could have made his life a little easier by taking care of him, but that was all about punishment. If she was the one who had been screwing around, like a lot of men who find themselves in that position, he might have attended to business by being unduly rough and by assuming to outperform the other guy, for the sake of his ego, but that only lasts for just so long before it becomes tiresome.
As long as we are slaves to our little fella, women can make us do anything they want. Those expressions of love and devotion that are called romantic sayings are such music to a woman's ears because she is reassured that you are her fool. You are her slave. That you will do as she wants.
It is always a mystery to us why the woman to whom we are utterly devoted suddenly runs off with a guy who evidently could care less about her, and who treats her not like the princess that we did, but rather like a piece of dirt. What's the fascination? Well, she became bored with you. He is the challenge. She will change and mold him, or so she thinks. At times, life seems so totally screwed up.
The joke goes: arriving back from their honeymoon the new groom sat his wife down and laid down the law about how he wanted her to run the house, when he wanted his meals, and that if he wanted to be late home after work because he decides to stay out with his mates, she would just have to accept that. Any questions? No questions, said she, only that every evening at 7pm there will be sex in this house, whether you are here or not!
Anybody laughing? Think he'll ever be late home? Would you? I don't think so!
Copyright (c) 2007 Eugene Carmichael